This Is Us "The Trip" (Recap & Analysis) SPOILERS!!!

Hey there, thanks for stopping by, hope you had a good week! When we last met, Rebecca's secret came to light over a Pearson family Thanksgiving.

The story picks up the day after Thanksgiving. Randall's standing over a desk, in his workout room, writing furiously on notebook paper. He hears Beth and William standing outside the door and tells them to come in. Although Randall tells Beth he's fine, he's been pacing upstairs for hours. When she asks what he's doing, he tells them he's writing a list of all the ways his mother's secret ruined his life and that he plans on reading her this list wanting to make sure she hears "every damn word."

Throughout this entire episode, the show begs the question, did Rebecca ruin Randall's life, or did she do the best she could? We pick up with Rebecca in 1989 when the kids are nine-years-old. Kate and Kevin are running amok, in view of Jack and Rebecca, through a grocery store, but Randall's nowhere to be seen. Jack and Rebecca find him in the Canned-Foods aisle cornering a young black couple and asking them if they can roll their tongues. Jack and Rebecca whisk him away, as fast as possible, and then question his motives. Randall tells them he learned about inherited traits, e.g. being able to roll your tongue, and so, he thinks that by asking young black couples this question, he might be able to find his birth parents.

Randall's always known that he was adopted. As he gets older, though, his curiosity regarding his birth parents is climbing. Jack recognizes that, but when he brings it up, Rebecca is resistant to find the answers Randall desperately needs.

Rebecca: "We're his parents."
Jack: "You know what I mean." [...] Look...I know this is hard to think about. It's hard for me, too. Okay? But he has questions that...they're not gonna go away. I just, I don't want him resenting us..."
Rebecca: "For what, Jack? We love him, we give him absolutely everything he could ever want, what would he be missing from us?"
 Despite what we learn later about why she feels this way, I still feel as though she let her emotions get in the way of what was right for Randall although, she's right that they have tried their best.

In the present, Kevin explains the Thanksgiving drama to Kate and then begins to grill her about her decision to have invasive surgery. Kate's adamant that it's the only way she'll reach her goal weight and she assures Kevin it's not a big deal although he disagrees:
"No, it's about one of a billion big deals swirling around in my head right now. Kate, I've got you, I've got Randall, Mom's selling the cabin, I just had the single greatest kiss of my entire life..."
At the mention of selling their family cabin, Kate cuts him off, disbelieving, but Kevin confirms that it's true. Kate is devastated, and as Randall walks into the room looking for more paper, she gets an idea. Cut to The Big Three pulling up to the cabin. Kate's feeling nostalgic, Kevin's distracted, texting with Olivia, while Randall's consumed by his anger towards Rebecca. As Kate walks up to the cabin, she takes a picture and texts it to Toby with a cute quip "Family cabin. You'd like it. Nothing like 'Evil Dead.'" She watches as his speech bubble appears and begins typing before ultimately it disappears.

Courtesy of NBC

Inside the cabin, Kate's looking through their family photo album while Randall starts clearing stuff out, and Randall stares at a painting looking for a hidden image. "It's always been a bear, dude," Randall tells him. "But you know what?" he says "Maybe it was never real, anyway. Just like the rest of my childhood." Kate, of course, is hurt by this comment and tells Randall that despite what Rebecca did, their childhood wasn't a lie. Kate, knowing that this will be the last time they'll stay there, tells Randall that she just wants them to be able to enjoy the day together. Randall looks apologetic, but before he can respond, a car pulls up in the driveway and Kevin rushes outside.

Courtesy of NBC

It's Olivia, who's brought along some friends, Sloane (Milana Vayntrub), the show's playwright, and Olivia's hipster friend Asher. Kate is less than thrilled to discover their family outing has been disrupted. Cut to Olivia, Asher, and Sloane walking through the cabin, and it's clear that Olivia and Asher are only there to mock the Pearson's cookie-cutter lifestyle. Kate banishes herself to the kitchen and confronts Kevin as he goes to check on her. Soon, though, Asher interrupts them to store some "nosh and liquid" in their fridge.

In the last episode, we saw Olivia open up to Kevin and tell him that her life was the exact opposite of the cookie-cutter lifestyle she believes the Pearson kids lived. It seemed as if they'd finally began to understand each other, but by this episode, Olivia's back to her old ways.

It seemed as if they'd finally made some progress in the attempt to better understand each other but by this episode, Olivia's back to her old ways.

Back in the past, Randall's having a playdate with Yvette's kids at the Pearson household. While Yvette waits for her kids with Jack and Rebecca, Jack tells her that Randall's been trying to find his birth parents by looking for inherited traits. Yvette tells them that Randall hasn't asked her that but has been telling her kids' different stories about who his biological father might be.
"[...] Sometimes a cook. Basketball player. Once he was the mailman."
Jack seems confused as to why Randall would choose those positions as a potential job for his biological father but Yvette tells him that it's obvious:
"[...] It sounds like he may be picking jobs that he's seen black men do. Like he's looking for someone he sees in himself."
She then hesitates before telling them that she thinks Randall might need more black role models in his life, people that can teach him who he can become.

Randall is black, and as a result, has to face certain things that Jack and Rebecca can't relate to or protect him from (e.g. racism). So Yvette is right, Randall needs people that can teach him how to live as a black man in a judgmental world.

Back at the cabin, everyone minus Randall is playing "Girl Talk" a Truth-or-Dare-esque game while Olivia derides the entire experience. Suddenly Randall walks in with another trash bag. Kevin tells Randall to sit down, but suddenly Randall becomes wide-eyed and insists he hears a clicking sound coming from outside. He grabs his coat and heads outside to the confusion of the entire group, but no one thinks anything of it, and they return to playing the game.

It's Asher's turn, but he gets up to get more food and drink from the kitchen. Sloane spins for him and asks him who the best kiss he's ever had was. Asher without skipping a beat answers "Liv" (Olivia). We then learn that not only have Asher and Olivia kissed, but they used to date. Kevin, of course, is shocked but tries to brush off his disappointment. Kate tries to step in and defend Kevin, but before she can, they're interrupted by Asher, who's wondering who drank half of his shroom-filled smoothie.

Courtesy of NBC

I'm not sure what Kevin's deal is this episode. Sure, Olivia's pretty, but she pretty much ignores him this entire episode. Maybe he sees something in her and is trying to fix her as she accused him of doing the last episode. However, in the process, he just ends up coming off as a little puppy, begging for attention from the uninterested caretaker and ignoring those who care for him, e.g. Kate.

We find out that it was Randall who drank the smoothie. He's been standing just outside the door this whole time looking wide-eyed and staring off into the distance. Suddenly, he hears power tools whirring in the distance.

Courtesy of NBC

As he walks off the porch, heading towards the side of the house, he notices the figure of a man standing on a ladder. As Randall gets a closer look, he finds out that the man is Jack! After the commercial break, we see that Kevin, Kate, and Asher have gone outside to check on Randall, who's staring at a wood column. Kate chastises Asher for getting Randall high, but Kevin, after snapping a picture of Randall in his current state decides he's fine and they head back inside. As soon as they do, Randall begins a conversation with "Hallucination Jack" who is "fixing" the gutters. When Randall tells him that Rebecca lied about knowing who Randall's biological father is, "Jack" doesn't believe him, telling Randall that keeping a secret like that would've destroyed Rebecca. Randall then hears three distinct clicks and turns his head. When he turns back "Jack" is gone.

Courtesy of NBC

In the past, Jack takes Yvette's advice and brings Randall to meet with a martial arts instructor named Ray. Ray is black, and so are his students. They introduce themselves and Ray whisks Randall away to show him a picture of four-time World Karate Champion Ron Van Clief as Jack looks on. Later that night, Jack's still adamant that they need to try and locate Randall's biological father and suggests to Rebecca that they hire a private investigator. Rebecca becomes frustrated that Jack is insinuating that there is something they can't provide Randall. Jack, at the same time, is frustrated that Rebecca is unwilling to attempt finding Randall's biological parents. The scene cuts to Rebecca arriving at William's apartment, eight years after their first meeting. William (Jermel Nakia) is surprised to see her, but he invites her in.

In the present, Olivia comes out of the restroom when Kate corners her.
"I know women like you. Pretentious pretty girls who use guys like Kevin to, you know, feel interesting because they're dating someone uncomplicated."
To this, Olivia responds that she doesn't believe Kevin's uninteresting at all and that the Pearson's are holding him back. She then suggests that Kate is holding him back is because she's jealous of him.
"He's changing. And that's scary for you because you want to change too. [...] You're scared that you'll lose all the weight, and that nothing will have changed, right? That you will discover that the person who you've always been is who you truly are. And all your dreams of the kind of life you're gonna lead one day are nothing more than lies you've told yourself."
Courtesy of NBC

Maybe Kate is scared of what the future holds for her but Olivia's not one to talk because Kate's right about her. When Kate goes to tell Kevin what Olivia said to her, Kevin insinuates that Olivia might have a point.
"You want to stand there and pretend like you're not scared of this surgery or that you're A-OK with this breakup with Toby, then keep on acting."
She walks away after clapping-back and telling him that he's doing great in his role as "Full-Metal Jackass."

We then cut outside to Randall as he once again sees "Hallucination Jack" in the back of the cabin. Randall chastises him for "walking away" and Jack that despite not knowing who his birth parents were, Randall had everything as a child: a loving family, a top-notch education, and black influences to help him understand his background. By this, Randall is unfazed.
"[...] All I was supposed to feel was grateful. I was supposed to just shut up and be thankful that I had these great parents who wanted me when my birth parents didn't."
However, he tells "Jack" that he was simply a replacement for the baby that they lost. "Jack" tries to tell him he's wrong but Randall cuts him off to admit something that he's been holding in for a long time:
"[...] I've spent my whole life striving for perfection, and you know why, Dad? 'Cause I live in fear. That if I let up for a moment, I will remember that I'm unwanted. And then what'll happen?"
He turns away from "Jack" but "Jack" appears in front of him and cradles his head as he tells him that from the moment he saw Randall, he knew Randall was his. Randall, in tears at this point, replies that had he known William wanted him that would've made all the difference. "Jack" apologizes for the pain Rebecca caused him but tells Randall he can't change the past, he can only decide what he wants to do about the future. Before Randall can answer, he hears three more clicks and turns then turns back, and Jack is gone. He hears laughter coming from the cabin and walks up to the window. As he looks inside, he sees himself, Kate and Kevin, when they were nine, along with Jack and Rebecca as they play a board game. Jack walks up next to him, and then Randall responds that he wants Rebecca to hurt as much as he does.

Courtesy of NBC

Finally, we get at the root of Randall's character. He's scared and he's been scared his entire life. That's why he gives William an impassioned speech when they first meet; why he tries so hard to impress his girls on Career Day, why he so desperately wants to be close to Kevin. He's trying to prove to everyone in his life, that he's worthy of their love because he felt unwanted by his birth parents. He wants Rebecca to hurt because he's born this burden for years, and this new revelation is more than he can handle.

We then head back to the past, where Rebecca and William sit and talk in his apartment. Since they first met, William is five years clean and has gotten a job working in the back room of a music store cleaning and fixing instruments. He asks Rebecca how "Kyle", the name Rebecca and Jack originally gave him, is. When she tells him that they changed his name in honor of Dudley Randall, William's favorite poet, he seems touched. He appears even more touched to learn that young Randall is an intelligent and sweet boy.
"My...my husband went out of town for work last month and it was for the first time he's ever been away from home for the night. And Randall slept in my bed with me. Not because he was scared, but because he didn't want me to be scared."
William tells her that in those past nine years, he's wondered if he made the right decision and tells her that speaking to her now makes him realize that he did. Unfortunately, that doesn't make what Rebecca came to do any easier for either of them as she tells William that Randall wants to meet him. Right away, William can hardly contain his excitement and begins making grand plans:
William: "Uh, maybe you can bring by the store sometime."
Rebecca: "Maybe. But I..."
William: "Is he musical at all?"
Rebecca: "No."
William: "Maybe I can, uh, teach him some things."
Throughout this entire exchange, Rebecca becomes anxious as William is overjoyed at the thought of being apart of Randall's life. We then flashback to the previous night as Jack asks Rebecca why she's against finding Randall's biological parents:
"Because what if they're great?" she tells him. "What if they regret abandoning him and want him back?"
This is when we learn that despite being able to bring Randall home from the hospital, no one legally gave him up, so Jack and Rebecca never officially adopted him. Rebecca, knowing this, believes William could potentially take him from them. Having now seen William in good form, Rebecca's fears seem even more legitimate. We cut back to William's apartment, to find that while he was distracted looking for something, Rebecca bolted out the door. Like Randall, Rebecca's scared too. Randall is her son, and so, the fear of losing him is intense.

We then head back to the cabin, where Sloane is one of the bedrooms trying to get cell reception. Kevin walks in on her as he's looking for Olivia's sweater. He finds it, but instead of walking out, he closes the door and asks Sloane about Olivia and Asher's history. Rather than answer him, Sloane immediately expresses her disdain for Olivia. Kevin's surprised to learn that Olivia, knowing Sloane had rented a car and wouldn't say no to her, essentially forced her to drive her to the cabin; Sloane had originally rented the car to go see her sister who's in labor. Kevin's not much comfort but congratulates her on becoming an aunt and then leaves the room.

We haven't gotten much interaction between Kevin and Sloane besides their first two meetings that didn't go well, so it's nice to see that they've softened-up to one and other. I think this is the moment that Kevin realizes he can't fix someone that doesn't want to be fixed, especially when they hurt others in the process.

Speaking of people who Olivia's hurt, Kate takes a walk through the woods and decides to call Toby, having not heard from him all day, and surprisingly, he answers. Kate begins to vent about the day's events, and while he's sympathetic, he tells her that if they're still broken up, he can no longer be a shoulder for her to cry on and hangs up.

I'm not sure what Kate was expecting here, she broke up with Toby. She seemed to be taking responsibility for her actions, but here she is again expecting others to cater to her because her whole life she's been overweight. I understand that growing up with your own set of insecurities is difficult heck I deal with my stuff every day. However, expecting others to cater to you when you treat them like crap is crap. Yes, I know that I'm being harder on her than Kevin and Randall so, guess what; Kevin was a jerk who made his estranged brother take him in because he felt lonely, and before that, he was incredibly reliant on Kate. Randall made his wife take in his estranged brother and dying biological father and then made her his family entertained on Thanksgiving while he went to go get William's special Thanksgiving tapes. There? Are we good? Greaaat.

Inside the cabin, Kevin, Olivia, and Asher are watching a Pearson home movie. As they watch the video, where a young Kate is singing Cyndi Lauper's "Time After Time" only to be interrupted by a young Kevin who jumps into view singing Wang Chung's "Everybody Have Fun Tonight" Olivia's cuddled up to Asher and feeding him squash while Asher belittles the entire video. Kevin, who can't take it anymore, tears into both of them:
"You know what? It is quaint here. [...] What's wrong with being normal? Olivia, you're always talking about...being real. Right? That kiss that we had yesterday, let's talk about that for a second. That was real. Those feelings were real and I know that you know that. And it doesn't shock me that you're scared, right? You are horrified and you're trying to sabotage it. I understand that. But what might be worse than that is I'm not sure you've ever experienced anything real your entire life. I'm starting to feel like...like you attaching yourself to something that's not...a calculated act for your empty human shell is just too much to handle. I feel sorry for you."
Rather than respond to his criticisms, Olivia tells Asher that's their cue to leave, which they do, walking past Randall, who's staring in the window. They've left Sloane, who comes out of the bedroom to happily announce that her sister had the baby and then runs outside frantically when Kevin tells her that Olivia and Asher left.

We cut to Kate, later on, sitting on a tree stump alone and looking sad. Kevin approaches her:
Kevin: "So, uh, on a scale of...you know, ripping off your Barbie dolls' heads and forgetting where I hid them, to spilling marinara on your junior prom dress, how-how mad are we?
Kate: "More than prom."
Kevin: "Really? Okay. Okay, yeah, no, that's fair." 
He then sits down next to her and apologizes, telling her that she was right about Olivia to which Kate responds that Olivia was right about her.
"What if I have the surgery and nothing changes?" she tells him to which Kevin then asks her why bother having the surgery?
"Because I'm more scared of not trying. Because I broke up with Toby to focus on all of this."
She tells him that she has to do this, and must have the support of her brothers to which Kevin tells her he does. Kevin, needing some support of his own, asks her to have the surgery in New York so he can have her close. They then find that they're near their family tree and find Jack's pocketknife.

Courtesy of NBC


We then cut back to the cabin where Randall's now inside hallucinating the "Pearsons" playing a board game on the living room table. He begins passionately and furiously reading his list to "Rebecca" although, she can't hear him. "Rebecca" gets up from the couch and heads to the kitchen before turning and smiling back at her family while Present-day Randall stands right in front of her. He's then "teleported" out of the cabin back onto the porch where "Jack" is waiting for him.
"Feel better yelling at her?" "Jack," asks him. 
Randall tells him that no, he doesn't feel better because he believes she couldn't care less about how she made him feel.
"Come on, you're a parent Randall. You know that these things aren't that simple."
"Jack" then suggests that Randall is looking at the situation in the wrong way. As Randall continues looking through the window, the scene inside the cabin slowly changes. It's dark inside, and Rebecca's sitting alone on the couch, looking fearful. She hears something and immediately bolts out of her seat to lock the front door, each lock making a distinct clicking sound. She then rushes to an open window and frantically tries to close it, but it's stuck. She finally gets it closed and continues rushing through the house, trying to hold every door closed as something tries to enter. As Randall watches, he becomes increasingly nervous and asks "Jack" what's going on.
"She had three wildly different kids. Along with their own sets of problems," "Jack" tells him." Our marriage wasn't always perfect. I certainly wasn't. And she had her own things to deal with, too. But she kept everything out. She always made sure we were all safe."
Rebecca returns to the living room but keeps looking over her shoulder in a panic, then suddenly calls out for her family. Randall pounds on the window, Rebecca turns and makes eye contact with him, and Randall lets her know they're safe.

The next morning, Randall's drilling the gutters in place. As he stands on a ladder, he finds two G.I. Joe action figures and smiles to himself. Inside the cabin, Kate, who's heard the drilling, goes to find Kevin to see if he's heard it too. Kevin, who was asleep, turns over, revealing a woman sleeping next to him. Kate, thinking it's Olivia, is ready to scold Kevin before the woman pulls the covers off of herself, and we find out that it's Sloane!

Kevin and Kate walk outside to greet Randall, who's feeling much better. When they ask why he's fixing things for Rebecca if he's mad at her, he tells them that he's doing it for Jack.

We then head back to the past where Randall's being initiated into Ray's martial arts class. Ray calls all of the fathers to the front of the room and then asks Randall if he has a good life to which Randall responds that he does. Ray tells him that he hopes he always has a good life but reminds him that life can be difficult, especially for men like them. He assures him, though, that every member of that dojo is apart of his community and will be there to lift him when he's down. Ray then tells Randall to get on his father's back. He instructs Jack to do a pushup as he asks Jack to promise to hold Randall up, no matter what comes his way. Jack says he will. Ray then asks Jack if he will raise him to be the best man he can be to which Jack says he will. As he does his pushups, Jack ends up locking eyes with Rebecca who looks at him with admiration.

We then cut back one more time to the conversation between Jack and Rebecca, as Rebecca is adamant that she cannot lose Randall.
"We need to be enough for him. We need...to be... enough for him," she tells him.
We cut back to the dojo where Ray asks him if he's willing to raise Randall to the greatest heights, even if it hurts. Through the pain, he is adamant that he will. Ray then tells him he can stop but Jack tells him that he never will and keeps on pushing.

Courtesy of NBC

We then cut between the scene in the dojo and William's apartment as he cries holding the photo of Randall and the letter Rebecca sent him telling him that he can't be apart of Randall's life.
"This is for the best for him....because he has an extraordinary father who gives him everything he needs," she writes. "I hope you take comfort in knowing just how loved Randall is."
William finishes reading the letter and then places it in a folder that he calls "Poems For My Son."

"Hallucination Jack" is correct. Rebecca was a stay-at-home-mother, and in just the second episode of the series, we saw just how much Rebecca gave to her children. Rebecca had to make difficult choices to keep her family together, and so if she had to keep William away from Randall to provide Randall a more stable life, maybe that was the best choice she could've made, even if it had repercussions down the line. Ultimately, I feel like Randall came to the same conclusion, although, the fact that this conclusion comes from a drug-induced state is a bit weird. So it goes.

One more time, we head back to the present where Kate and Kevin have driven Randall to Rebecca's house. She opens the door, shocked to see him. He has his list with him but tells her he's not going to read it to her. She starts to explain why she did what she did, but he cuts her off telling her that he knows it must've been lonely, keeping William a secret for 36 years; however, as she starts to go in for a hug Randall steps back and tells her that he's not ready to forgive her yet. With that, he tells her he'll see her at Christmas and leaves.

























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